The Quarter Life Crisis and the Emergence of Generation ‘Y’ – (Originally Published in La Jornada News, London Ontario, May 1st 2009 issue)

The Quarter Life Crisis and the Emergence of Generation ‘Y’

By Ayenia-Citlalli Quintanilla Nava

(Originally Published in La Jornada News, London Ontario, May 1^st 2009 issue)

I once heard of a modern proverb that goes something like this: “Youth is wasted on young…” And while one of my favorite pass times is to indulge in proverbial wisdom, this is definitely one I could not bring myself to agree with… not even a little. It is my opinion that this proverb is the expression of a problematic opinion which only broadens an already widened trans-generational gap. This gap lies at the root of many communication problems between the youth and the older generations. As a consequence, such mentalities and miscommunications leave us to suffer increased tensions within our families, at the workplace, and in everyday life.

Another issue I have with this proverb is that it sees ‘youth’ as an abstract temporal element which can only be possessed by a certain age group (this is not necessarily the case… I know plenty of youthful senior citizens!); and furthermore, it sees “the young” as a reckless age group undeserving of being bestowed with the very pleasure of being “young”. Therein lays another problem with the proverb… While it is incontestably the case that being young is a blessing, it should not be assumed, by any means that to be “young” is easy. Oftentimes we hear of the “Midlife crisis” and we accept it as part of a developmental rite of passage for adults…Other times we will hear of the “adolescent craze” of teenagers, and we understand they live turbulent hormonal lives which we must accept. Very rarely, however, will we see this same degree of comprehension and patience toward those people who fall in between…Today’s article will address one of the most pervasive problems affecting the youth of my generation… those who are caught between adolescence and “full” adulthood… this article is about the “Quarter-Life Crisis”.

To begin, the concept of the “quarter-life crisis” is not one I came up with on my own. It can be traced back all the way to the very foundations of Developmental Psychology, and to one of the most influential men in the field, Dr. Erik Erikson, who himself was somewhat influenced by Freud’s theory of developmental phases. Erikson is famous for having developed the eight-stage theory, in which he claims that at several moments in one’s life, a certain crisis will have to be resolved in order to proceed adaptively unto the next. For those aged 20 to 30 years old, Erikson claimed the main crisis to resolve revolved around relationships. He called it the: “Isolation vs. Intimacy” crisis, in which he explained that young adults look to move past superficial relationships and seek deeper connections with others, which usually result in marriage or other romantic commitments. While Erikson’s analysis is quite valid, it is incomplete because it focuses on a romantic level, and ignores other conflicts which young people face at this age.

In 2001, Abby Wilner & Alexandra Robbins (working together), and Damian Barr (in another part of the world), pioneered the movement of addressing the issue through books, articles and speeches across the internet (a tool which also defines our generation). Wilner & Robbins co-authored a book titled ‘Quarterlife Crisis, the Unique Challenges of Life in your Twenties’, and Barr wrote something similar, but with a deeper focus on “practical solutions”. He has also travelled and addressed many audiences on the issue, many of his speeches can be found on You Tube. Both publications address common symptoms which affect those who suffer the Quarter Life Crisis… among many they name deep feelings of insecurity toward the future, dissatisfaction toward the present, and a deep sense of regret or nostalgia toward the past. It is the phase of: “What will I do with my life?!” “What am I doing here?!” and “I should have…<insert regret here>…”

These questions are often product of a context in which the young person is leaving a stage of adolescent security, or “youthful bliss”… in which he or she felt sheltered, and is pushed into the shock of “the real world.” Often times, these are recent college or university graduates who feel distressed to find the skills they had invested so much energy on are not yielding their immediate desired results. They begin to wonder if it was even worth it… As Erikson predicted, these questions also have a tendency of spilling over to the realm of relationships, whether they be romantic or familial. At this point, the young person begins to revalue his or her life choices and relationships, enters the calamity of the Quarter Life Crisis. Furthermore, he or she begins to feel the pressure of “finding the one.” I know this is especially the case at family gatherings… especially mine.

Of course, I realize that their intentions are good, and that their questions and advice are only meant to help me, in what they think is that most practical solution to what they perceive to be an unstable life. I don’t blame them… at their age, and in their cultural context, a woman was much more limited to her life choices, and furthermore, to be unmarried at my age was worrisome for many. To be completely fair, it is still worrisome for many… not just young women, but also young men who feel the pressure to “find a good girl” and provide for their families. This sort of conflict can be observed much more insidiously among youth who grow up between the traditional/collective values of their parent’s past, and those individualistic ones we observe in our present context. It is not a question of which one is better… but rather a question of personal negotiation. For example, I may choose to marry young, (as did my brothers), but I can also choose to finish school while I am married (just as my sisters-in-law are doing). This is a choice which contains elements of both worlds. But before I go off on a tangent… let’s finish with the topic of the Quarter life crisis…

The research on the subject is very recent, making it a virtually unheard of phenomenon; nevertheless, it is catching on. It most likely that the augmented attention is due to the social emergence and recent empowerment of our generation, the Generation Y (the Baby Boom Echo) which is aging, entering the workplace, receiving promotions and arriving at this phase en masse. Because we are the children of the Baby Boom (a generation which itself defied social standards and provoked the cultural revolution of the century), we are a very populous demographic. That being said, it is now our turn to stand up for ourselves (and by ourselves) to prove to the generation which came before us, and will come after us that “Youth” is not actually “wasted” on the young, and that we are perfectly capable of surmounting the stresses we face. Furthermore, to those who are reading this, and are older, this is a great opportunity for you to realize that we, the young, are a reflection of your own hidden youth. This is the perfect time to rebuild those bridges, and to communicate, and to help each other through moments of adversity so that we may overcome the uncertainty of the future together, regardless of age.

September is PCOS awareness month

    To begin, PCOS is short for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It is an endocrine disorder that occurs among a significant percentage of women around the world (5-10% of Women ages 12 to 45) and yet is rarely spoken of. This syndrome is characterized by irregular menstruation, acne, excessive male-pattern hair growth (or hair-loss in some cases), and high cholesterol levels. It is one of the leading causes for sub-fertility among women of reproductive age. Many women go undiagnosed until they face difficulties while trying to conceive.

One reason why this condition is enveloped by so much mystery is that many women who suffer from it might either not know it, or are too enveloped in the stigma and shame of its symptoms to even speak out about it. Undeniably we live in a society where femininity is highly associated with thinness, corporal hairless-ness, a thick mane, and of course a high degree of fertility. It is often a source of shame for women who do not fit into this description, and quite often are too embarrassed to seek medical attention. This may mean that the reported cases of PCOS is underrepresented the number of women with PCOS.

Furthermore, women who do report their symptoms to their doctors are often caught in the mystery that surrounds the disorder, and may not receive the attention they need right away as it may be confused with other problems that create similar symptoms. It is important to note that Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is not the same as Ovarian Cysts, while the former characterizes a situation where ovaries are laden with underdeveloped follicles due to an imbalance of hormones, the latter refers to an actual cyst on the ovaries. In the past, many women who presented symptoms of cystic ovaries, yet had no manifestations of such, were sent home with birth control pills for their troubles and no clear explanation of what they suffered from. Today there is more information on the topic and most women will have the wonderful experience of landing themselves in the office of an empathetic doctor who will aid the woman in navigating this frustrating condition, while unfortunately others will have to work with doctors who may not know enough about PCOS, and may minimize the experience of the patient by not realizing the degree of distress it can cause on a woman. In either case, these doctors are often the gatekeepers to the next level of treatment which can mean endocrinologist and/or fertility specialists. At this point, these women will find themselves at the beginning of a long and torturous journey inside the world of diagnostic tests involving multiple pelvic and intra-vaginal ultrasounds, as well as many blood tests.

It is important to note that not all women who suffer from PCOS are looking to become pregnant, but that reason why these women get the most attention in the world of PCOS is because most of these women who have PCOS do not realize it until they are trying to become pregnant month after month to no avail. This is why the majority of treatments available are for women who are trying to conceive, because other women who complain of hormonal challenges are usually encouraged to take birth control with androgen blockers for their PCOS symptoms. Having said that, birth control pills will only mask the symptoms of PCOS, which will inevitably return if the woman in questions ceases her birth control regimen. This is why most experts recommend PCOS be dealt with at a holistic level by addressing diet and exercise. Most women with PCOS have insulin resistance (similar to people suffering of Type 2 Diabetes—these two are closely related), and should avoid foods with high glycemic indexes (simple sugars such as sugar, white rice, white bread, pasta etc…) because their body has a higher difficulty when metabolizing them. Due to this, dramatic weight fluctuation is actually a prominent symptom of PCOS. Most women will see a reversal of their symptoms when their weight regulates to a healthy level for them (which varies from woman to woman). Needless to say, the symptoms are most pronounced among women who are over-weight and while weight-loss is definitely harder for women with PCOS, it is not impossible. An anonymous “Cyster” (a widely adopted moniker used among online community groups for women living with PCOS) suggests strength training to rev up the metabolism, noting it is just as important as cardio.

“The most important thing,” says the “Cyster,” “is to never lose hope, and to explore treatments which you feel comfortable with.” While most women turn to medication to treat symptoms, there are many women who turn to alternative medicine such as acupuncture and report a high incidence of success. In addition, it is important to take care of one’s mental health when considering all the stress associated with PCOS. There are many online support groups and forums that exist to help women around the world living with PCOS such as soulcysters.com. If you suspect you or someone you love may be suffering from symptoms of PCOS, do not hesitate to visit your family doctor to discuss your symptoms. Happy healing.

What Canadian Minorities Can Learn From the Last American Elections

By Ayenia Quintanilla

The Minority vote made this election, and this is a truth held to be self-evident. After winning last night’s election, Barrack Obama emerged victorious from a nerve-wrecking tight race between himself and Republican contender, Mitt Romney. By now this is old news, but for the sake of this article, I’ll state the obvious once more: President Obama owes his second term in large part to his minority voters, and very specifically to the Latino vote.

These observations, widely contemplated, are causing some kind of panic, or frenzy in the Media. Everywhere reports dissecting the results of last night’s election are focusing chiefly on that one particular observance. Bill O’Reilly, well known in the YoutTube community for his violent outbursts and for his extreme right-wing television show, highlighted the general ambience with this quote: “The demographics are changing (…) It’s not a traditional America any more. The white establishment is now the minority”.

As O’Reilly’s public thoughts circulate the media, the fear of a new era arising floats in the air. This admission is quite a big deal coming from the same man who claimed “Immigration” was part of (General) hidden agenda to “Brown America” and thereby eliminate the “White Privilege.” …Whose “hidden agenda” O’Reilly refers to, is uncertain, but what is of significance is that he represents a voice of fear reverberating among a general populace that is witnessing a dramatic change.Last Spring, the Census Bureau of America reported statistics corroborating Mr. O’Reilly’s lament showing that between July 2010 and July 2011, only 49.6% of American births were “white”.

The only thing no one is pointing out is that while this may in fact be a new era, the era is not the result of dramatic shift in the demographics of America, but actually of a shift in the balance of power, tilting out in favor of American minorities.

Racialized people have lived in America for years. At one point in history, (and not really that long ago) Anglo-Saxon Europeans (who are widely referred to as “white” for the sake of simple labels) entered the continent now known as the Americas and colonized the people who inhabited its lands. At that point in history, the “white” was a minority, but a privileged minority albeit, thanks to various methods of control used to suppress the native populations who once had power over the colonized lands. Time went on, and the immigration of European settlers overcame the declining population of Native Americans across the board. The economy of exploitation was booming, but the pool of cheap (Slave) labour was declining due to the orchestrated extinction of native people.

Then came the forced immigration of African Slaves. Already they were brought here in large numbers –literally boatloads– and even here, they too procreated. Back then, there was little room for census results to become widespread, and even if they had been, a high birth-rate of slaves would have been welcome by their “white” employers as it sustained the market demand for slave-labour. The idea of a new “balance” was not something to worry for as it did not matter what the demographics were, minorities still had no rights to uphold those numbers with.

In recent history, the numbers of immigrants arriving in the North (US and Canada) from non-Western European countries has skyrocketed and it is being worn-out as an excuse for wide-spread panic among the traditionally privileged populace. There is a lot of talk about the loss of tradition, and the ideals of culture. Numbers are being thrown around to substantiate the fear. However, the issue is being projected onto numbers, when in reality it is not about numbers at all, but about control and power over politics. The fear is not borne because there are more immigrants or because there is less of “white America” but because times have changed, and more people hold more control and power over decisive action in their country. Or at least that’s what democracy should look like in its purest form. Last night’s election proved that Democracy can prevail when there is room for it to exist, and the active participation of citizens taking action in spite of cynicism and apathy.

… So what can Canadian Minorities learn from this?  I hope the lesson will encourage more Canadians to Vote, to Act, and to engage. And while you may not choose to do all three, you have the power and duty to do at least one of those. Should we decide to concede that right to some other constituency, we concede the power to them as well, and we fail in our endeavor to create a truly fair and equitable society.

To My Mother…

“The best of all things is to learn. Money can be lost or stolen, health and strength may fail, but what you have committed to your mind is yours forever.”
– Louis L’Amour

Thirty-one years ago my mother was an undergraduate student on an auspicious path. She was in her last year of study at the internationally recognized National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM) finishing her BA in Botanical Biology- her life-long passion. She was recognized by her professors and peers for the dedication and work ethic she put into her studies. Her academic average was way into the stratospheric nineties in classes that many people struggled to finish. Anyone who knew her; knew she was on route to accomplish great things.
The academic finish-line was clear in sight for her, everything was going right… then one day at the young age of twenty-one, my mother found out she was with-child.

They talk a lot about moments in life that change everything. For my mother, that was it. Sometimes I wonder what went through her mind the second her pregnancy was confirmed… Was she scared? Was she excited? …I’ll never know, but what I do know is what I lived. What I know is that at that moment, my mother’s life took a paradigm shift from dedicating her life to academia, to dedicating it to her partner (my father), her child (my oldest brother) and her two other children that were to follow suit (my other brother, and myself).

Her priority became that seed of love that sprung from that relationship between my father and her. She finished her final year, and rather than pursuing her dreams of post-grad education, she took a job at her father’s school (he was a principal) as a General Sciences teacher for middle-school and high school-aged students. Anything my mother did, she flourished, so as was expected, she quickly became a popular educator among her students and co-workers. At this point, my mother had already sacrificed so much for us, but as they say, a mother’s love knows no limits. She would make more sacrifices after that.

When I was four, she passed on a secure promotion to Vice-Principal at the school she taught at, so that my brothers and I would have a better life in Canada. She left her family, her friends, her support network and followed my father to Canada so that we may grow up in country she believed would give us better opportunities and a better quality of life. Our first four years in Canada, my mother was a janitor with my father. The sweat on their foreheads was only proof of their love for us, their children. Every scrubbed toilet and mopped floor was a labour of love. Finally, when I turned eight, my father encouraged my mother to pursue her BA Ed in Canada so that she may teach again, a profession she loved. With the support of my father, my mother endured a long and difficult year at York University. Many sleepless nights and even more childish tantrums from me later—She graduated, and was finally allowed to teach in Canada.

Many would think that her struggle ended there, but it only began. My mom experienced for many years the frustration that many older, over-qualified and under-employed feel. She had a hard time finding a position that was stable, but survived many years on a supply-teacher’s income as a contribution to the family household. Sometime ten or so years ago, she was finally employed as a part-time professor in the Health Sciences department at a college in our hometown. Unfortunately, though, despite her skill and experience, she lacked the necessary M.A. to apply for better positions which would tauntingly pass her by.
“One day I’m going to do my Masters….” I recall her saying to me time and time again. I remember feeling sorry for her, skeptically thinking to myself… Oh mami… I’ve heard this before… it’s probably too late for her.

Today, I’m proud to say she proved me wrong. As mother’s always do. Almost thirty one years since my mother gave birth to my oldest brother, she graduates from her Master’s in Environmental Sustainability from the University of Western Ontario. Her strongest support has always been my father, who in spite of all their own ups-and-downs, has always been her number one fan. This message goes to him too for helping that wonderful woman become who she was meant to be. We are all proud of her.

The best part?

She graduates the same day as that child — the one that changed her life forever– graduates as a Doctor in Hispanic Literature from the same University. I couldn’t be any prouder of both my mom and my oldest brother. More importantly, I couldn’t be any more inspired to embark roads that unwind ahead of me, since my mother has taught me that dreams are always at our reach.

The Swan Shoot

White Swan / Black Swan Dichotomies

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Behind The Scenes

Second Hand Tragedies

[This is part I of an incomplete III part series. Part I was originally published in La Jornada News London, On, Nov. 6th 2009]

Part I: Research Falls Short of Studying the Secondary Effects of War on the Children of Conflict Survivors.

War is disastrous. The effects of it can last generations, not only on a physical level, but on a psychological one too. It is a known fact that refugees who suffer conflict-related war crimes are likely to suffer of tormenting memories from the war; but it is a less talked about fact that this sort of war-related trauma can transcend generations, causing equally detrimental damage to the personal development of the children of refugees, that is to say, the second generation refugees. This article deals with the issue of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome/Disorder among survivors of conflict which is a topic that relates to many Latin Americans in our community.

To begin, it is important to define PTSS/PSTD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in general terms.  The term refers to a maladaptive psychological condition which affects the wellbeing of an individual as a direct result of an abnormal degree of stress. The stress could be the result of conflict, sexual abuse, or even displacement. The condition is known to occur among people who undergo an overwhelming and abnormal event. Because of the degree of abnormality surrounding the event, people who suffer are often unable to resort to adequate coping strategies, and thus are at risk of manifesting their distress in the form of maladaptive behavior, whether it is substance abuse, violent behavior or reclusive conduct. It should be taken into account that many of the refugees who arrive in host countries and who suffer of PTSS/PTSD will often resettle, and will more often than not, raise families here.

To be fair, the truth of the matter is that in the fields of Socio-Psychology, there is a lot of research realized on the issue of PTSS/PTSD among new refugees into host states, nevertheless, this material is often short-term, and fails to reflect a more long-term assessment of the issue. Furthermore, the tragedies are often presented as individual case-studies and seldom include a follow-up evaluation, or even less an evaluation of the individual’s familial context. Moreover, there is even less research on the topic of second generation immigrant children and adolescents who suffer the secondary effects of their parent’s PTSS/PTSD.

 (TO BE CONTINUED)

To Be or Not to Be… On Facebook; The Case of E-Drama

(Originally Published in La Jornada News, London Ontario, April 3rd 2009)

DISCLAIMER: The characters used in the Eufemia* case study are fictional characters. Any use of real names, or situations are coincidental and purely intentional for satirical purposes.

It’s 2:35am and Eufemia* is browsing through her online profile, looking through her friend’s pictures and reading conversations between people that have nothing to do with her. I should mention she also has an essay due the next day, a presentation, and a test later that week….Hmmm, sound familiar? Some of you might ask incredulously: “Why is Eufemia doing this?!” More often than not, though, most of you will probably laugh, or even shrug, thinking; you‘ve probably done that too. The thing is… you probably have, I know I definitely have, and that person with a laptop sitting across from you is most likely cyber-stalking someone while you are reading this. This is so common that we generally don’t stop to question the behavior as possibly disruptive, or even unhealthy. What is it about the Internet Social Networking phenomena that has desensitized the world to an old-fashioned sense of privacy? Furthermore, what is normal, and what is unhealthy? With all these tools available, is it really that bad that we’re tapping into other people’s lives so effortlessly? Ladies and gentlemen, today’s topic: E-Drama.

Well, first of all, for the few of you who are completely unfamiliar to this digital scene, I’ll give you a quick background on what it is we’re talking about. Social Networking websites are a new phenomena which have quickly managed to entrench themselves as integral elements of contemporary youth culture. Sites such as Facebook, Hi5, Friendster and My Space are but a small manifestation of a larger trend mostly observed in larger industrialized countries, such as Canada, the UK and the US, but which are also gaining popularity in less industrialized countries, at least for those societies who actually have access to these cyber tools. It is a trend referred to most commonly as “e-globalization”; a concept which describes the way in which information technology is breaking down physical, and logistical barriers by connecting people at an incredibly fast pace around the world.

Facebook, which was originally a website created by Harvard students for Harvard students, has risen up the ranks to become one of the most transited sites online, and furthermore rivals I-pods and beer as the staple for College and University students. Among high school students, Facebook has become important too, although younger students seem to flock more toward MySpace, especially in the US, a site which seems to appeal to a different demographic all together. Since Facebook is the site I am most acquainted with, I will make reference to it specifically to describe the dramas surrounding Social Networking sites.

Going back to Eufemia, by now it is 3:02 in the morning, and she is still on Facebook, this time she has changed her status# to: “Eufemia is… So stressed!!! LOL 2 Much work, not enough time arg :S…”. Now everyone on her friend-list can read via the convenient News Feed# on their homepage that she is really stressed and she hasn’t done her work. Obviously this is crucial knowledge which is expected to be broadcast in priority to actually writing a single paragraph in her essay. Right…? Procrastination aside, Eufemia can’t pry herself away from her latest love-interest Pepito’s profile page, because she needs to know why Petrolina has been writing on his wall# so often. And since she doesn’t have access to Petrolina’s profile… basically she is trying to look through the pictures in which they’re tagged# in together in order to read the comments underneath and gain some insight into what’s going down. OH WAIT! Now she is also wondering how and when her friend Armando’s relationship status# switched from “It’s complicated” to “Single” and so decides to publicly make a comment letting Armando know she never really liked his girlfriend Patricia, anyway…. On the other end, Patricia, doesn’t know Armando had made this switch, which means… Yes! Armando actually broke up through Facebook! …and Patricia will be the last to know (these things do actually happen). Oh it’s all so complicated and tragic! It’s no wonder Eufemia can’t get any work done! *sigh*

Now, just to clarify, E-Drama is all that which involves gossip, flirtation, jealousy, infatuation, etc… all sorts of intense emotional symptoms of human interaction instigated by, and aggravated through these websites. Believe it or not, our friend Eufemia is an intelligent and confident young woman. She has great aspirations based on very well principled ethics, and thus I would say she is one of the least “typical” victims and/or perpetrator of e-drama. Nevertheless, e-drama cannot be associated with a specific “Type” of person. E-drama has no face; in fact, that is probably one of the reasons why people who generally wouldn’t creep#, do so obsessively. This is because creeping can be done from the comfort of our own privacy, and not only do we remain anonymous (unless someone catches us), we will never be caught reading a wall-2-wall# between two other people.

Now the case of Eufemia is actually quite innocent compared to a lot of other negative occurrences that may potentially happen through Facebook in terms of E-drama. Cyber-bullying, a form of harassment perpetuated through online sites, is a problem that has been recently alarming parents across the board. In extreme cases, e-drama can end very tragically. The case of Meghan Meier comes to mind; a young girl in Missouri who committed suicide after receiving many upsetting online comments by a boy she had started an online relationship with. The details of the story are blurry as of now, but speculation indicates that the boy’s profile was a fake one created by an older woman, Lori Drew, who sought to play a prank on Meier by romancing her online only to brutally break up with her. Needless to say, it ended badly. Meiers parents laid charges on account of manslaughter, but evidently, with very little concrete evidence. The story became even more complicated when a supposed blog by the suspect appeared online, claiming all responsibility unabashedly at a time when the authorities were about to drop charges based on insubstantial evidence. At first Drew’s lawyer denied the link between Drew and the blog, by reducing it to be fabricated evidence. Regardless, Drew was ultimately charged guilty with three counts of misdemeanor. Consequentially, since the Lori Drew case, there have been several lawsuits filed across the U.S. against all sorts of Social Networking sites, or against other perpetrators, using these sites as evidence.

Obviously, as I mentioned, these are the extreme cases where the whole issue of E-drama is taken too far. The problem becomes a REAL one when e-drama crosses over from the abstract realm of cyberspace onto the physical world. It is not to say that these sites create drama per say, but rather that they empower people who malevolently create drama to do so very invasively. Considering the potential for social drama, it is of crucial importance to become a well-informed “facebooker”, taking steps such as actually reading the terms of use or even creating limited profiles to protect one’s own privacy. The reality is that these websites are popular, and ultimately they are of great use for people to connect and interact.

In my own humble opinion, I would say that, ultimately, I appreciate Facebook for its social-networking value. Thanks to it, I am always aware of upcoming birthdays and events. Also, it makes event-planning so easy. In addition, it is a great way to get to know people who you would normally not encounter as often in your everyday life. HOWEVER! It should always be in the back of our minds that people are more than just their profiles, their online pictures or their wall-posts. As useful as it is to get to know people on a slightly superficial level. If Eufemia were a real person, (and not a composite character), I would advice her that, without a doubt, the best way to get to communicate someone is face-to-face, rather than wall-to-wall.

Introductory Facebook Language Guide:
Basic Common Phrases

1 Status (n): Facebook indicator of one’s online presence in real time. Ex: What’s up with Tomasina’s status? She sounds totally emo (emotional)!

2 News Feed (n): A Facebook application which broadcasts one’s status* (see above) to all friends on their list. Ex: Yeah! I noticed on News Feed that Anatolio moved to Wawa. I wonder if it has anything to do with Artemia living there?

3 Wall (n): A Facebook application through which others can leave public comments and/or statements on one’s profile page. Ex: Erminihildo hasn’t replied to the message I left on his wall… Why is he taking so long? I posted it over 5 minutes ago!

4 To be Tagged (v): A Facebook application which allows people to indicate another’s presence in an uploaded photograph, specifying the person’s name, and occasionally providing a link to their profile. Ex I can’t believe he tagged me in that picture! I look so bad and Cayetano might actually see it!

5 Relationship Status (n): Facebook indicator of one’s romantic affiliations in the real world. Ex: Yo man! Did you see Arnulfo’s relationship status? They‘re totally going out!

6 To Creep (v) : To stalk, and obsessively monitor another person’s personal online profile. Ex: I totally creeped that girl’s profile! She is definitely going to be there tonight! Or Have you creeped him yet?

7 Wall-2-Wall (n): also known as wall-to-wall; a Facebook application which allows one, and others, to view an ongoing conversation between two people. Ex: Ohmigosh! Did you see the Wall-2-Wall between Hipolito and Boomsheequa? He so has a crush on her!

The Quarter Life Crisis and the Emergence of Generation ‘Y’

(Originally Published in La Jornada News, London Ontario, May 1st 2009 issue)

I once heard of a modern proverb that goes something like this: “Youth is wasted on young…” And while one of my favorite pass times is to indulge in proverbial wisdom, this is definitely one I could not bring myself to agree with… not even a little. It is my opinion that this proverb is the expression of a problematic opinion which only broadens an already widened trans-generational gap. This gap lies at the root of many communication problems between the youth and the older generations. As a consequence, such mentalities and miscommunications leave us to suffer increased tensions within our families, at the workplace, and in everyday life.

Another issue I have with this proverb is that it sees ‘youth’ as an abstract temporal element which can only be possessed by a certain age group (this is not necessarily the case… I know plenty of youthful senior citizens!); and furthermore, it sees “the young” as a reckless age group undeserving of being bestowed with the very pleasure of being “young”. Therein lays another problem with the proverb… While it is incontestably the case that being young is a blessing, it should not be assumed, by any means that to be “young” is easy. Oftentimes we hear of the “Midlife crisis” and we accept it as part of a developmental rite of passage for adults…Other times we will hear of the “adolescent craze” of teenagers, and we understand they live turbulent hormonal lives which we must accept. Very rarely, however, will we see this same degree of comprehension and patience toward those people who fall in between…Today’s article will address one of the most pervasive problems affecting the youth of my generation… those who are caught between adolescence and “full” adulthood… this article is about the “Quarter-Life Crisis”.

To begin, the concept of the “quarter-life crisis” is not one I came up with on my own. It can be traced back all the way to the very foundations of Developmental Psychology, and to one of the most influential men in the field, Dr. Erik Erikson, who himself was somewhat influenced by Freud’s theory of developmental phases. Erikson is famous for having developed the eight-stage theory, in which he claims that at several moments in one’s life, a certain crisis will have to be resolved in order to proceed adaptively unto the next. For those aged 20 to 30 years old, Erikson claimed the main crisis to resolve revolved around relationships. He called it the: “Isolation vs. Intimacy” crisis, in which he explained that young adults look to move past superficial relationships and seek deeper connections with others, which usually result in marriage or other romantic commitments. While Erikson’s analysis is quite valid, it is incomplete because it focuses on a romantic level, and ignores other conflicts which young people face at this age.

In 2001, Abby Wilner & Alexandra Robbins (working together), and Damian Barr (in another part of the world), pioneered the movement of addressing the issue through books, articles and speeches across the internet (a tool which also defines our generation). Wilner & Robbins co-authored a book titled ‘Quarterlife Crisis, the Unique Challenges of Life in your Twenties’, and Barr wrote something similar, but with a deeper focus on “practical solutions”. He has also travelled and addressed many audiences on the issue, many of his speeches can be found on You Tube. Both publications address common symptoms which affect those who suffer the Quarter Life Crisis… among many they name deep feelings of insecurity toward the future, dissatisfaction toward the present, and a deep sense of regret or nostalgia toward the past. It is the phase of: “What will I do with my life?!” “What am I doing here?!” and “I should have…<insert regret here>…”

These questions are often product of a context in which the young person is leaving a stage of adolescent security, or “youthful bliss”… in which he or she felt sheltered, and is pushed into the shock of “the real world.” Often times, these are recent college or university graduates who feel distressed to find the skills they had invested so much energy on are not yielding their immediate desired results. They begin to wonder if it was even worth it… As Erikson predicted, these questions also have a tendency of spilling over to the realm of relationships, whether they be romantic or familial. At this point, the young person begins to revalue his or her life choices and relationships, enters the calamity of the Quarter Life Crisis. Furthermore, he or she begins to feel the pressure of “finding the one.” I know this is especially the case at family gatherings… especially mine.

Of course, I realize that their intentions are good, and that their questions and advice are only meant to help me, in what they think is that most practical solution to what they perceive to be an unstable life. I don’t blame them… at their age, and in their cultural context, a woman was much more limited to her life choices, and furthermore, to be unmarried at my age was worrisome for many. To be completely fair, it is still worrisome for many… not just young women, but also young men who feel the pressure to “find a good girl” and provide for their families. This sort of conflict can be observed much more insidiously among youth who grow up between the traditional/collective values of their parent’s past, and those individualistic ones we observe in our present context. It is not a question of which one is better… but rather a question of personal negotiation. For example, I may choose to marry young, (as did my brothers), but I can also choose to finish school while I am married (just as my sisters-in-law are doing). This is a choice which contains elements of both worlds. But before I go off on a tangent… let’s finish with the topic of the Quarter life crisis…

The research on the subject is very recent, making it a virtually unheard of phenomenon; nevertheless, it is catching on. It most likely that the augmented attention is due to the social emergence and recent empowerment of our generation, the Generation Y (the Baby Boom Echo) which is aging, entering the workplace, receiving promotions and arriving at this phase en masse. Because we are the children of the Baby Boom (a generation which itself defied social standards and provoked the cultural revolution of the century), we are a very populous demographic. That being said, it is now our turn to stand up for ourselves (and by ourselves) to prove to the generation which came before us, and will come after us that “Youth” is not actually “wasted” on the young, and that we are perfectly capable of surmounting the stresses we face. Furthermore, to those who are reading this, and are older, this is a great opportunity for you to realize that we, the young, are a reflection of your own hidden youth. This is the perfect time to rebuild those bridges, and to communicate, and to help each other through moments of adversity so that we may overcome the uncertainty of the future together, regardless of age.

#AmandaTodd

Ours is a generation of memes and hashtags. We’re a generation that has grown closer together through social media, and this is a beautiful thing, is it not?  It can be… but it can also be a nightmare. This is an article I’ve written in response to the Amanda Todd video, that I finally mustered up the guts to watch. This response deals with several issues prevalent today.

In a way the Amanda Todd story reveals more than one underlying issue that infests the lives and realities of young adults today. If you don’t know who Amanda Todd is, I’ll give you a quick recap of a story that is not unique to her situation. Girl meets boy, boy chases girl… Girl thinks she’s safely enamored with Boy and trusts Boy not to hurt her… (The plot thickens) Boy asks for naked picture… girl hesitates… but eventually gives in. Girl makes mistake… Girl regrets, but pays for it forever. Another boy enters the scene. This Boy has a girlfriend, but leads on Girl to believe he really likes her. Girl falls for the only Boy giving her a sense of self-worth. Girl makes mistake again. Boy’s girlfriend finds out. Girl is bullied. Girl falls into a spiral of self-hate and self-harm… going deeper and deeper until finally one day… Girl kills herself.

…Was it worth it?

Now I’ll tell you a different story. This one is of a Girl who feels safely enamored with a Boy. She trusts this Boy with her heart. She gives him everything she has, and she waits for him patiently to be ready to fully commit to her. Girl goes on vacation. Girl comes home. Boy acts suspicious… Girl begins to wonder based on Boy’s behavior if boy has been unfaithful. Girl finds out he has been unfaithful with Other Girl for weeks. She finds texts. She finds evidence of his relational transgression. Girl is devastated. Boy begs for forgiveness… Boy blames his actions on Other Girl’s behavior towards him. “After all” She reflects, “Other Girl has a bad reputation… and men have no control over their behavior when a (insert S-word/B-word) pushes them to cheat.” Girl believes Boy will never do it again, but holds resent. Girl projects resent on Other Girl. Girl makes Other Girl’s life a living hell to the point of perversion… Other Girl takes her life.

               …Was it worth it?

Dear readers… these two stories happened. They happen every day. Some have more tragic endings than others, but the matter of the fact is that at the root lies a deeply entrenched form of misogyny, which in my opinion is worse than any other kind of misogyny, because it involves a cycle of women hurting women. They say we’ve come a long way in feminism, but we still have ways to go.  It is time to wonder why we blame each other for things that men are just as guilty for as women are. It’s time to wonder why we put ourselves in the position of disrespecting another woman’s relationship over someone who can clearly not be truthful to his own partner… how could you believe he’ll be truthful to you? 

Freud famously wrote about his theories of psychological projection as a defense mechanism. I’ve also heard a lot about cognitive dissonance, where we refuse to believe our actions are in discord with our values, so we find ways of convincing ourselves that they’re not. In this case Amanda Todd made a mistake by crossing the line with an unavailable man, but the girl who pushed Todd over the top, must have believed she was right in doing so because if she didn’t blame her own boyfriend for his offense, who else would bear the burden of that crime? To summarize my thoughts, and my personal opinion, I acknowledge I have been guilty myself of projecting my anger on to other women when I’ve been personally offended by my own partner at that time… Either that or I have been in agreement with my girl friends when they rant about another girl that disrespects them by flirting with her boyfriend. It happens to everyone. Let’s be real, we’ve all experienced an #AmandaTodd story through different perspectives. In the end, however, both the Other Girl and the Boy in that story made mistakes, but who really committed a worse crime? …The Other Girl who was led on by the Boy she thought liked her more than his own girlfriend? …Or was it the Boy who caused all this pain to both girls?